Why I Wrote Love Yourself First

I wrote Love Yourself First because the way people search for love pains me.

I watch people look for it everywhere. In a partner. In approval. In the next thing. And so often the search ends in the same place it started, because the one relationship that shapes all the others was never looked at. When I trace it back, I see a lack of accountability within ourselves. It all circles back to self love.

Start With the First Sentence

When you make a mistake, what is the first sentence your mind says to you? Not the one you would say out loud. The one that comes before you can stop it.

Write it down, word for word. Don't fix it. Just see it. You cannot change what you have not first seen clearly.

The Critic

There is a voice in most of us that calls itself high standards. "I always mess this up." "What is wrong with me?" I call it the Critic. It exaggerates, it generalizes, and it attacks who you are instead of what you did. Harshness is not discipline. It is just harshness.

The Flatterer

The Critic gets all the attention, but there is a quieter voice that does just as much damage. "It's fine." "It doesn't matter." "It wasn't my fault." I call it the Flatterer. It protects your comfort by avoiding the truth. It mistakes silence for peace.

The Witness

Between the two is a third voice, the Witness. It says, "I said something I did not mean, and it hurt someone. I can see why. I can make it right." No attack. No excuse. Just the truth, held without cruelty. That voice can be trained, one honest sentence at a time.

You Give What You Have

You cannot hand someone patience out of a well that only holds judgment. The sharpness we give our partners, our kids, and our coworkers is very often the same sharpness we have been giving ourselves in private. It just found a second target.

That is why I say love yourself first. Not as a slogan. As a practice. Every relationship you have passes through the one you are having with yourself.

Meet Yourself at the Center

Here is something to try today. Close your eyes. Take three slow breaths. On the next one, rest your attention at the center of your head and stay for the whole breath. Nothing to imagine. Nothing to force. Just you, meeting yourself at the center.

Love Yourself First is a 21 day practice with a journal you can type into or print. It starts with the voice inside your own head and carries that honesty to your partner, your family, your friends, and your work.

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You can learn more about Divine Mind 1.2 at https://ydmm.love.

Divine Mind 1.2
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Website: http://ydmm.love